This past summer, I moved to New York City. The experience was a whirlwind to see the least. During my time there, my friend from home was away at army training, and I wrote her a letter about my transition.
Dear Chathuni,
I hope you’re doing well. Lol. That sentence is how I start all of my emails in finance. It’s a small buffer, a small precursor, to the request I have next. I’ll say, “[Name], I hope you’re well. Attached are the spreads I made. Let me know if you have any comments or questions. Thanks! Best, Ellen.” I think the “Thanks” is the only ounce of life that I inject into these emails. For some reason, in finance, it’s a race to see who can sound the most “professional”, but that what that really means is sounding cold. Too many exclamations and you sound too excited. Say an “I would love to ….” and that sounds too desperate. So, I match the standard. Periods. Simple sentences. A grimace when I pass someone in the office instead of a smile. A curt stop to conversations because that’s what’s normal. Work quietly at your desk, join a heated meeting, go home at 7pm, and then repeat the next day.
And this process – this process of fitting in – is applicable to the city, too. I remember you telling me that New York is too glamorized and that you hate it. Well, I’m here to tell you that I agree. New York is not for Southern Ohioans like us. New York is for people who live five lives at a time. New York is for those who don’t sleep and can still function better than me when I’m well rested. New York is explosive, colorful, beautiful, messy, crowded, lonely, exciting, and terrifying. I believe that there really is no other city on this world like it. Simply put, New York was like nothing I have ever experienced.
I am not sure if this is a universal experience, but I believe that moving to New York City is like pledging a frat. New York does not want you at first. You must prove yourself, through a grueling hazing process, that you belong there. You must push, shove, rip, tear, and force New York to accept you, or else it never will. But the difference is, you don’t have fellow pledges to rely on during this process. It is you, alone, that must show New York that you are worthy of residency.
And New York did not go easy on me. Identity theft, rats, my first cockroach assassination, sleeping on a couch, a racist roommate, feeling completely isolated at work, long hours, a perpetual hoard of flies in front of my door, the entire infrastructure of the city, groceries and laundromats that are a mile away, sleazy boys at bars, hot, sticky, smelly air, and a dungeon of skyscrapers were all a part of the process. Truly, I do not know how I have not gone crazy and how I still have the mental capacity to think and write. Like every pledge, there were times I felt hopeless. Used. Almost suicidal. But still, I persisted (mostly because I had no other choice), and as a result, I am here now, writing you this letter in my final days in this city, until next summer, where I will repeat the process all over again.
I hope I’ve become a part of New York, but who knows. Maybe I’ll drop my phone into the gap between the subway tracks and the platform tomorrow. Or maybe I will meet the love of my life. Truly, the possibilities here are endless, and I would judge the probability of either occurring to be equal.
I wonder how you have lasted here for so long. You are the strongest person I know. School, the city, ROTC … I don’t think that I could do it. I have been here for a little over a month and I feel as if New York has beat and molded me into an entirely new person: someone that uses periods in emails and swats the mosquitos in her apartment without a second thought. But perhaps – as cheesy as this sounds – the real lessons were not taught by the untrustworthy subway system or the piles of trash on the roads – the real lessons were learned from the people.
If there is anything that I will forever appreciate New York for, it is the people. It has introduced me to and brought me closer to people I would have never met otherwise. There is the kind security man that greets me every morning in the elevator lobby to work. There is my short and kind boss who spends a little too much time at the office and not enough at home. There are my friends, who singlehandedly were my wills to survive. There are my college friends, who were graciously not shy of visiting. There is the elderly man who plays the erhu in the W 4th Street subway platform every weekend. There’s even the racist, who was actually very hard to hate because she is so sweet on the outside.
Perhaps this is the price I must pay for being able to enjoy the company of these people. The world is fair, and the dark must balance out the light. This experience was incredibly traumatizing, but at least I could still look forward to the next day, because then I would be one day closer to seeing the people I love most.
In all its loud, bustling glory, New York can only stand to be anything because of its inhabitants. Just like how you will encounter the most surprising burrows, you will also meet people from all over, of all backgrounds, and you will be able to learn a new perspective that you have never experienced before. I’ve met men, women, children, dogs, cats, rats, roaches, rich, poor, cold, warm, and everything in between. And next summer, when I’m back here, I know that there’s still a plethora of people that I have yet to meet.
In sum, what you say about New York is true. I absolutely hate it. But there are also parts to love, and those parts just so balance the city out to be net zero.
I am a very sentimental person, and I will admit that the moment I look forward to most - not even exclusively to New York - is that fleeting moment when you are with your friends and family, and suddenly it strikes you how lucky you are. How lucky you are to be in the presence of these people. How lucky you are to befriend good, kind-hearted people that make the days fly by. And even with all of the rough edges, I'm incredibly excited for next summer, because those very same people - and hopefully you - will be there with me.
I hope everything is going well for you. I hope you’re having a great time at training. I’m excited to see you and hear more about it. Much love, always.
Ellen
Comments