Ever since I was a child, I have been incredibly aware of my race.
Here's an example - once I brought Chinese bao-zi, otherwise known as bread-like dumplings, to my kindergarten class for lunch. Everyone else had sandwiches, Lunchables, or some other food that my Asian household didn't have. As soon as I opened the lid to my pork buns, one of my school teachers swooped in like a hawk. She eyed the innocent little bao-zi in front of me with beady eyes, as if trying to figure out if it was a bomb.
"What is that?" She demanded.
Timidly, I squeaked: "Chinese food."
The friend that I sat next to piped up: "It's just her Chinese food."
With a cocked eyebrow, the teacher swept off, and the crisis was averted. I had never been more thankful for my friend in that moment.
While growing up ethnic in a white society is one of the world's lesser problems (I concede that my problems don't even compare to others such as growing up in a war-torn country, and etcetera), it is something that has been in the back of my mind my entire life. That moment with my Chinese food in kindergarten was just a one in a child-hood of memories associated with my race. My parents did their best to help me assimilate into white society, but the nagging in the back of my mind never left. I was acutely aware of the Justice clothes I never got to wear and the different Christmas presents I got (true to my stereotype, in first grade, I got books for Christmas). Though my insecurities have quieted over the years, the mind of pre-teen Ellen always housed a reminder that I was not white.
In middle-school, I began to feel like my race was a hindrance to me. I dressed like the other white girls and did my hair the same way. I would solemnly think that had I grown up white, much of my troubles would be nonexistent. The feeling of being 'different' would be gone. This all probably sounds ludicrous as America has gone through a lot of social justice reform in its history, but the fact of the matter is, race is something we will always be aware of. Studies have shown that humans are more prone to stick to their own race - in a social setting, you will more often than not gravitate to the person that looks the most like you. For example, as soon as I saw my best friends, I knew that we would become friends because they were the same race as me. Later, they would tell me they thought the same thing. And this finding is logical - at the root of our species, we are social animals that developed from tribes. Before any migrations happened, the Chinese people stayed and supported other Chinese people, and vice versa for other races. It's in our genetics. I'm not saying that race should be a basis of relationships - it's just something that we will always be subconsciously aware of.
For example, when I visit China, I feel as if I'm immersed in 'my own people'. Mind, I have friends of many different races that I refer to as 'my people' as well, but something about being surrounded by the people look like you hits a certain point home. In America, Asians are a minority, and it's reasonable to believe that I will look different from the people around me. In China, I feel as if we are one in the same. Upon my first time visiting China, a new thought struck me - this is what my white peers must have felt their entire lives. They would always be able to enter classrooms and see a 'familiar' face. Younger me wished I could lead a life like that, but currently, I understand and am happy with the knowledge that it is simply a product of circumstance.
Even though I used to feel as if my race was a hindrance, I now think it is one of my best qualities. It's been a tumultuous ride, assimilating with the white society around me and still maintaining my ethnic roots, but I know I am approaching a healthy medium. Over the years, I've grown to love my culture and what it stands for. I treasure the values my family has and the core beliefs I've grown up on. I appreciate my almond-shaped eyes and my tanned skin. Growing up ethnic has allowed me access to two separate worlds, and as a result, I get to learn from both. It's as if I'm Hannah Montana but my rocker side is just another country. Also, Chinese food is amazing (the real deal, not that Panda Express bull).
To all my ethnic babies, I know what it's like. Of course, I don't know how your childhoods went, but I do know that there will always be a stage in our lives when we reach acceptance with the circumstances that have shaped us.
From something that used to feel like a hindrance, I have found something truly special.
& here are my favorite parts of China! If you do ever plan to visit, please make sure to try out these things!
Go Boating at the Summer Palace
The Summer Palace is an old Chinese palace (obviously). You can rent a paddling boat (where you paddle with your feet like a bicycle), or a motorized boat. It's a fun and beautiful place to spend a morning. The lake is gigantic and is surrounded by many willow trees, and there are many bridges to go under.
Eat Squirrel Fish!
This is one of my favorite traditional Chinese foods! They take the fish and flip it inside out, fry it, then cover it in sweet and sour sauce. It's unlike anything you'll eat in America.
Eat Tanghulu!
This is a very traditional snack in China, and one of my favorites. Vendors sell them almost everywhere. They are made by skewering fruit on a stick, then layering it in crystallized sugar. It has a crispy coating and warm, fruity interior. I always get one of these when I go back!
Buy from local vendors!
There are SO MANY shops in China that sell every trinket you could ever think of! It's so much fun just to explore these places. Everything is sold super cheaply in China, so this isn't a pricey activity!
And those are my favorite things to do in China! Of course, climb the Great Wall, walk the ShangHai waterfront, and do all those other tourist-y things, but make sure to hone in on China's traditional parts of life as well. I haven't gone to China in five years so I can't remember all my favorite things to do there, but I will make sure to update you guys when I go back next year. :)
Thank you for reading!
x,
Ellen
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