According to Google, 'closure' is defined as 'a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved'. To me, 'closure' means closing a chapter on a certain person/event/subject in your life. Closure can be achieved in many different ways. I'm no stranger to writing the end of a chapter to a part of my life even when I don't want to. As a cause of the following tips, I've been able to cut back on the anxious feelings I've dealt with in the past. I hope that the following tips can help you too, and if not, I will tell you the same old adage: time is the ultimate healer. You will get there. I know you will.
Here is how I achieved closure on certain aspects on my life.
1. People
One of the most common parts of life to 'get over' is people. Whether it's because they've become toxic, they don't make you feel good about yourself, or any other reason as to why they can't stay, closing the door on someone in your life is no easy task.
Accept that you can no longer talk to them. If you want to cut emotional ties with a certain person, you can no longer converse with them regularly. This means no more Snapchat conversations, late night texts, or memes. Don't ignore them, per say - if they initiate conversation, do your best to be polite but don't further the conversation (e.g. deadpan). You will never be able to get over someone if you keep talking to them. Even if you want to keep talking to them, understand that their presence in your life isn't worth it, and you deserve much better.
Confrontation. This is something that can both be underused and abused. Only confront someone if you believe that they are capable of change. If they're manipulative, you are wasting your breath. If you ultimately decide to tell them what's bothering you, do so politely. Don't jump right into the root problem - start by sugarcoating (telling them what they do right). Then, progress into the problem in a serious manner, but also don't berate them with bitterness. Finally, finish it off with reassurance that this is just a dip in the road and that you still love them for the person that they are. Confrontation doesn't always work - not everyone will change even if they tell you they will. If you feel the need to confront someone about the same issue multiple times, perhaps it's a warning sign that you're at a dead end.
Find someone new. While this sounds rebound-like and it follows the same premise, the results can be fruitful. Sometimes, shutting the door on someone leaves an empty space where they were. Fill this hole (and stop yourself from missing them) by surrounding yourself with other people. Branch out to new people that you never got close to before. You'll be pleasantly surprised at what you find - sometimes, the presence of a single person makes you turn a blind eye to all other possible relationships. Broadening my horizons made me happier than I ever was.
Pour your efforts into a goal. A wise friend once told me to pour all my sadness into pursuing something for myself. Whether it's exercise, art, projects, or something else, distracting yourself from someone's absence through work can produce amazing results. You'll be able to end your spiral of overthinking momentarily, and you will be rewarded the fruits of your hard work.
What's important about 'getting over' a person is that it should be done for your own self-growth. It should never be done in spite or resentment. Move on from a person because you believe it will better yourself, not just because you want to give someone a piece of your mind.
2. Events
Regardless of your situation, making a lifestyle change can be incredibly difficult. Here is how I managed the transition to a life even better than the previous one.
Pour your efforts into something new. When I didn't make the Science Olympiad team, I joined Mock Trial & Debate. This was probably the best failure of my life - by being forced out of the lifestyle I once knew, I was introduced to one that I enjoyed far more (I don't even like science). I did better at my new extracurriculars because I liked them more. Had I made the Science Olympiad team, I would have never given the two clubs a second glance. That being said, fill your new-found time with something new and different. Pick up a new hobby or join a different organization. Your livelihood does not start and end with this event.
And those are my tips on achieving closure! I will now conclude this article with one of my favorite quotes:
Just because it could've been different, that doesn't mean it would've been better.
Sometimes, the worst part of achieving closure is imaging the 'what if'. We get so entangled on an imaginary possibility that we forget that it is just a possibility. Perhaps you would have ended up happier if you never had to move on. Or, perhaps you would have ended up worse off had you stayed in that same place. The important part is not to stress over what could have happened. The most imperative thing is to make do with you current situation and its possibilities, and to use these opportunities to their utmost potential.
Change is not easy. In fact, it's scary - it's like leaving the hometown of your mind and landing feet-first in alien territory. Even though the journey isn't easy, I promise you that you will be happy with whatever decision you make (unless you've made it to hurt someone else). You will never grow if you stay stagnant.
Wishing you the best of luck,
Ellen
& here are my favorite 'closure' songs:
"The Ice Is Getting Thinner" - Death Cab for Cutie
"Take a Walk" - Passion Pit
"I'm Good" - The Mowgli's
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