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Writer's pictureellen cheng

why 'TATBILB' is my favorite movie *spoilers ahead*

Updated: Nov 25, 2021

To All the Boys I've Loved Before. The revitalization of teen rom-coms and Netflix's signature chic-flick to this point. The movie and book follow Lara Jean Song Covey, who writes love letters to all the crushes she's had. However, they get sent out, and she's forced to face reality.


Perhaps me saying that it is my favorite movie sounds like a cliche, and I'm sure it does. TATBILB follows the regular highschool flick pattern: the popular guy falls for the nerdy girl, and faith in adolescent boys is restored. While the formula is the same, I believe that the movie itself is something new. Here are all the reasons why I believe TATBILB is an impactful movie, and thus, why it's become my favorite.



It has an Asian lead.

As a first-generation Chinese daughter growing up in an American suburbia, this was very important for me. My whole entire childhood was surrounded by Caucasian-filled media. Disney movies. Barbie dolls. And while the mediums that I watched as a child certainly weren't bad, they weren't entirely a benefit either. I was never able to truly connect with any of the characters that I saw onscreen because none of them looked like me. Even though America had become a melting pot of all different kinds of races by the time I was a child, there was yet to be equal representation on-screen. TATBILB reminded me of this absence, because for once, I saw someone that looked like me on-screen. Of course, there was that Asian girl in Lemonade Mouth, but TATBILB was important in that the Asian girl was the protagonist. She wasn't just there to sprinkle in a little diversity. She was who we were rooting for, and who walked through the movie with the audience. An Asian girl as the female protagonist showed that Asian girls could get the guy too.


It touches on serious topics.

TATBILB tastefully includes topics that teenagers and society struggle with daily. This was new for me, as rom-coms are usually entirely focused on the romance between the two leads. Here are some scenes from the movie that pinpoint topics that deserve more traction:


"It's never worse for the guys."

Remember when that video of Lara Jean and Peter in the hot tub surfaced? This quote from that scene connects to the gender gap we see in today's society. Whether it's wages, rumors, or even walking home by yourself at night, it's usually always worse for the girls. This quote reminds us of that inequality and how it persists in today's world.


When Peter mentioned that Sixteen Candles was racist towards Long Duk Dong.

It's come to the media's attention that John Hughes' movies are pretty sexist and racist. Even though they're deemed as 'classics', they're still filled with bigotry. In fact, this line in the movie inspired me to look more into the topic. Molly Ringwald, the star of many of his films, actually wrote an article for the New York Times that points out this blatant bigotry, which you can read here.


When Peter and Lara Jean discussed their parents.

This scene is important as it shows Peter and Lara Jean connecting over a parental problem they both relate to. Parental divorce is incredibly common in modern America, and Peter and Lara Jean's struggles allow those affected by separated families to connect with them. Furthermore, it shows how Peter and Lara Jean built their relationship on a foundation of trust and friendship, rather than something superficial. Also, it reveals Lara Jean opening up to Peter. That significance will be discussed later.


When Lara Jean revealed her fear of attachment.

In the diner scene, Lara Jean famously proclaims:

"The more people that you let in, the more that can just walk out."

This line is important in that it distinguishes TATBILB from other rom-coms. In other romances, the leads are usually ready for love and commitment, and leap into a relationship without hesitation. As a result, people often overlook the true scary parts of attachment and relationships. People can leave your life whenever they want to. No one is obligated to love you back. Etc., etc. When hearing this line, I felt a sense of connection. Not only did Lara Jean look like me, she shared my fears too. Last year, I really struggled with the fact that anyone could pack up their things and leave. I kept others at arms' length because I was so scared of such an outcome. However, I've come to realize that I shouldn't have to ask people to stay in my life, because the right ones don't run. Lara Jean's declaration certainly hit home to me.


It reveals the fantastical nature of youthful love - and love in general.

Lara Jean lives her life through a rose-colored lens. She reads romance novels and daydreams about enchanted gardens. Her love letters are physical proof of the unrealistic expectations she has built in her head, and perhaps, the reason why she doesn't seek out love for herself - she doesn't want to be let down as a result of her high expectations. One scene describes Lara Jean's personality perfectly: as she daydreams that Josh is in her room, she sees the real Josh walking to her door from her window. Daydream Josh proceeds to say:

"I'm more real to you than he [Real Josh] is."

This scene shows how Lara Jean believes that the real people in her life house the same traits as those in her head, which is completely untrue. The people in her letters are a figment of imagination, and can never exist in real life without flaws to equal out the perfection.

Having an unrealistic view of love and people is a common trait among adolescents and adults. I, for one, am no exception. Sometimes I find myself yearning for a movie-like love, just to pull myself to reality with the knowledge that perfect love is unattainable. Love is made up of happy moments, sure, but it's also made of grit and dips in the road. True love can't be built if it isn't tested, or else it's just walking on shaky legs. I believe that the defining moment is when Lara Jean musters up her courage to seek out Peter herself. This scene reveals that Lara Jean has let go of the image she's built of Peter in her head, and accepted and fallen in love with the real Peter that is in her daily life. By taking an effort to find Peter and tell him how she feels, Lara Jean is setting aside her expectations and accepting Peter for who he is. Peter isn't perfect - Lara Jean herself states that Peter cares about what others think, can't let go of his first love, and even gets annoyed that she doesn't sit with him on a bus ride. Regardless, she professes her love because she has replaced her fantasy version of Peter with the real one.


The stylistics.

To All the Boys I've Loved Before has an amazing style, tone, and soundtrack. For one, the filter on the entire movie gives a retro, homey vibe by saturating the colors and making the blue hues pop. Secondly, Lara Jean's outfits are impeccable. She thrifts and has her own style - even I would wear most of the outfits she has on. Here are some of her outfits as proof:



Furthermore, the movie has a flawless soundtrack. To this day, 'Lovers' by Anna Of the North can conjure the hot tub scene in my mind instantaneously. The music goes perfectly with the film's overall aesthetic and tone. Here's the link to the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2KAy5wKnOsYu0hFGnBjaP2?si=3EQL6reDRvGKiqnsTMx4yA


And finally, it has one of my favorite quotes of all time.

"My life was a mess, but ... I could clean my room."

At surface level, this quote sounds like it doesn't contain any depth. However, on my second time watching the movie, I realized that the quote encapsulated so much more than cleaning a room. In fact, my school's National Honors' Society essay prompt asked us to write about how a particular quote connects to our values and beliefs, and I chose this one. I believe that my NHS paragraph sums up the depth of the quote adequately, so here it is:

Perhaps one of life’s greatest tragedies is hitting a low point and not bothering to get back up. The movie To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before perfectly captures this notion in a single line from the film’s protagonist, Lara Jean: “My life was a mess … but I could clean my room.” In this particular scene, it seems as if Lara Jean’s entire life is imploding. Lara Jean has never bothered cleaning her room, but in the face of crises, she plugs in her headphones and picks up the clothes off her bedroom floor. Even though this quote seems veritably simplistic, it embodies a lesson that is imperative for any person vying for success. If one cannot overcome hardships, one cannot achieve their full glory. I found this scene and quote incredibly inspiring due to the fact that it pertains to my own values and beliefs. Giving up is the worst thing you can do to yourself in a bad situation. In tumultuous times, I try to clear my mind and envision the one thing – no matter how small – that can alleviate my position and set me on a path to recovery and success. There have been many times where I’ve been tempted by the thought of waving a white flag and giving in, but through the years, I have found that my greatest qualities are rooted in those bad situations and how I reacted to them. I have learned the importance of patience, faith, and many other beneficial attributes. Nothing was ever won from forfeiting, and this idea can be applied to all of life’s toughest moments. Maybe all it takes to achieve success is that first step to take initiative, even if that means just picking up a sock from your bedroom floor.


 

And those are all the reasons why To All the Boys I've Loved Before is my favorite movie of all time. I think that on surface-level it looks like any other teen rom-com, but in reality, it comes with so much more. I love how the movie builds Peter and Lara Jean's relationship from being to talk to each other about 'real stuff', and, amid both of their immaturity, they are able to grow together. Lara Jean fully embraces reality and steps out of her shell, and Peter finds an outlet for his emotional trauma and an escape for the standard of love that Gen set for him in the first place. The beauty of their relationship can be connected to another Noah Centineo movie, The Perfect Date. While TATBILB is a far more superior film in my opinion, there is a scene in The Perfect Date that I particularly enjoy: When Brooks (Centineo) goes on a date with a grandma, she talks about her late husband. She says how he had this weird face and wasn't extremely attractive, but also said: 'But I liked being around him. You know how you know someone's the one? It's like listening to classical music on a fuzzy radio. Sometimes when you have a conversation with someone it's like you're fishing for a signal. But around him, it was a Beethoven symphony.'


Lara Jean and Peter were able to find their Beethoven symphony, and isn't that all what a relationship is at its core? The enjoyment of talking to a particular person? Sure, surface-level attraction such as physical appearance has some impact, but a relationship withers away without connection. To All the Boys I've Loved Before builds a strong, realistic relationship between its two protagonists, and gives us a reason to believe in Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky. Watching To All the Boys I've Loved Before always makes me hopeful for love, but then I remind myself - I can't live my life through the world I've built in my head.



 

To All the Boys I've Loved Before Trailer:


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